People get divorced for several reasons, but only a few are considered legal grounds. These reasons include cheating, bigamy, desertion, fraud, addiction, and mental illness. Victims of physical and emotional abuse can also file for divorce based on their circumstances.
Legal reasons for divorce vary by state, but in Connecticut, fault-based grounds for divorce include intolerable cruelty.
Intolerable cruelty makes it impossible for a spouse to continue living in a house or carry on a marriage. The criteria for using intolerable cruelty as grounds for divorce also vary depending on the state. However, the basic principle remains the same: the other spouse’s conduct must be severe enough to make the marriage unbearable and unsalvageable.
What Is Intolerable Cruelty?
The concept of intolerable cruelty is inevitably subjective. It can also differ based on cultural and societal factors. Still, specific types of spousal behavior must fall within the intolerable cruelty category. These include the following:
- Physical abuse: This is the most obvious form of intolerable cruelty. It includes any intentional physical harm. If someone slaps, kicks, punches, chokes, or strangles their spouse, it is considered severe physical abuse. If they use weapons or physically force their spouse to stay inside the house, it is also considered abuse and intolerable cruelty.
- Emotional abuse: Emotional abuse is a more subtle form of intolerable cruelty but can inflict as much damage as physical violence. This type of abuse includes isolation, intimidation, controlling behavior, gaslighting, and verbal abuse.
- Psychological abuse: Psychological abuse is similar to emotional abuse but can become far more insidious. It includes stalking and cyberbullying to harass or threaten a spouse.
- Financial abuse: Some spouses abuse their partners by denying them access to money for basic needs. They may require proof of every penny spent and even forcefully stop their spouse from working to earn money.
- Neglect: Some people neglect their spouses to the point where they suffer malnutrition and other health problems. They may force them to sleep outside or deny them medical care when they are ill or injured.
- Infidelity: Infidelity is a “lesser form” of intolerable cruelty but can still cause significant emotional distress.
Using Intolerable Cruelty As a Reason for Divorce
If you are subjected to intolerable cruelty in your marriage, you can use your circumstances as grounds for divorce. However, you will have to gather evidence to support your claims. This evidence can be direct or circumstantial.
The court typically recognizes all forms of cruel treatment, including physical, emotional, and mental.
Direct Evidence
You can gather direct evidence of intolerable cruelty by doing the following:
- Get witness statements from friends, family, or coworkers. They must have seen or witnessed the abusive behavior.
- Obtain medical records after being treated for injuries inflicted by your spouse. You can also get medical records after receiving therapy for emotional abuse.
- Take photos or videos. If you have footage or images of physical abuse and the resulting injuries, you can use this as evidence.
- Save text messages. If your spouse has admitted to abusive behavior or threatened you via text messages or emails, this can also serve as evidence of cruelty.
Circumstantial Evidence
Circumstantial evidence is something that other people may notice through your own behavior. You may fear getting home late or going somewhere without letting your spouse know.
You may not communicate with your family and friends or be scared to contact them because your spouse has forbidden it.
You may be unable to spend money or look for ways to avoid being alone with your spouse because you fear what they may do.
The Legal Process of Filing for Divorce
To get out of your abusive situation, you must file for divorce from your spouse. You can use intolerable cruelty as the reason for the divorce.
The most important thing to do is to consult with a divorce attorney. If you are scared to contact a lawyer, ask a trusted friend or family member to help you.
A divorce attorney can give you all the information you need to file your divorce. You can get advice on the laws and procedures for your case. Moreover, the lawyer will inform you if you have a strong case based on intolerable cruelty.
When you file a divorce petition, the document will state the grounds for the divorce. In your case, it will state the reason is intolerable cruelty. Your supporting evidence will be attached to the divorce documents.
The divorce petition must be served to your spouse. It would be best to no longer live in your marital home when the documents are served. You can have the divorce papers served using a process service or certified mail while you and your children stay in a place of safety.
The purpose of serving divorce papers is to ensure your spouse is informed of your decision to file for divorce.
Your Lawyer’s Role
You need a lawyer to guide you through the legal proceedings. Your lawyer will help you gather or compile the evidence you need to build a strong case based on intolerable cruelty.
If you and your spouse cannot settle the terms of your divorce, even through mediation, a trial may be necessary. A judge will then decide the terms of the divorce based on the evidence presented.
The terms may include custody of your children, child and spousal support amounts, and visitation rights.
Additional Considerations
While your divorce is ongoing, you may be able to get temporary orders related to child custody and support. In some cases, medication or arbitration may be a better way to resolve any divorce dispute. However, you should never go to any meetings on your own if you do not feel safe in the presence of your spouse.
Moving on From a Life of Intolerable Cruelty
If you want to escape an abusive partner, divorce is the best way to do it. Several resources are also available to protect you and your children while you work through your divorce.
Leaving an abusive partner is a brave step, and you do not have to do it on your own. Get a support system by telling trusted loved ones about your situation and hiring an experienced divorce lawyer.
